As far as I could remember, car salesmen have always had this negative stigma in society. Maybe I learned it from TV originally but I also remember being a kid and hearing grownups badmouth car salesmen. They can’t be trusted, they scam people, low-lives that couldn’t get a real job. Salespeople in general actually. I hope I don’t offend anyone with this post but I’ve probably offended many in my other posts. This is about a particular guy I’ve encountered a couple times.
I think I’ve matched with BJ a handful of times. Sometimes I would let it expire. Other times I continue the convo and just leave him hanging. Sometime in 2018, I apparently gave him my number and we texted for a bit and I left him on read. Anytime I allowed a conversation, he would open with “I just moved here”. It triggered me. It made me want to call him out for it but it seemed like such a childish thing to do. But also, wasn’t that childish of him? He’s been here for 5 years, I would hardly call that recent. He wouldn’t say where he was originally from. He’d mention work a lot and wasn’t great with conversations. Making it hard to connect. Making it less interesting for me to want to meet. Which is why I abandoned those previous attempts.
I decided to give him a real chance recently. After the drink meet with the lawyer, I felt like I needed practice talking again and knowing when to shut up. I was certain I wouldn’t like this car salesman and it sounds bad knowing I would use him as practice but I figured it knocks out a reoccurring match and gets me out there again. Why did I keep matching with him? He was handsome. Most of his pictures sucked and was a bit cringeworthy. Patrick Bateman-esque but not really. He suggested to meet and I told him day and time I was available. Let me tell ya about the meet… because what a meet.
I told him I was coming casual. Especially after meeting the lawyer, I was a bit overdressed. So I decided I would show up… relaxed. Ya know, adidas tracksuit. He said he would change. He did not. He arrived early and lived near the place he suggested. He had the time to change, but didn’t. He showed up in a suit. He looked much better than his photos. I was annoyed. There I was sitting looking all atheleisurely and he looking all professional. It was like a bad sex deal. I instantly didn’t know what to say. He was talking about something I can’t remember and when it came to my turn… I had nothing to say. I was so turned off by what he was saying. I felt so anxious to leave and it was just so early in the meet. I kept nodding and saying “I got nothing”. It was such a challenge for me to want to talk. I didn’t want to tell him anything about me. To kill time, I just kept asking more about him. He kept mentioning work. At some point I asked him if he was even happy because he kept complaining. He couldn’t really look at me after I asked. I felt like maybe I was too brash. He had just told me he was in Florida for 15 years doing this car sales gig and came to houston to continue, then I ask him if he’s even happy doing what he does. Maybe it wasn’t my place to ask that too soon. He answered but I don’t remember lol.
It got to the point where maybe he realized I was done. He would poke fun of me and I would poke fun of him. He mentioned he makes “a lot of money” and how he has to “block a lot of women”. I don’t think he went to college. He painted himself as super successful and planning to retire in 7 years. Had a side hustle with property management on Sundays, his days off. Seemed to resent his parents for moving too often during his childhood. Wasn’t long enough to make life long friendships or a place to call home. We ended up playing with each other’s hands after all the ball busting and he wanted my number. As if he didn’t have it already. Maybe he deleted me. We kissed, he messed up my hair, and we kissed again. It was awkward. I knew I didn’t like him but it felt good to have that type of male interaction again. it made me feel good about myself. Being me, I had to overthink things and while it was nice feeling flirty and feeling wanted I kept thinking “great, car guy is interested and I couldn’t get lawyer interested”.
We texted more often after first meet. In fact, he would text me every morning and pepper the same texts throughout the day. The way he would text was so immature. I failed to mention, this guy is 40. He would text like a 20-something college guy. Confusing “to” and “too” every time. I am so certain he doesn’t know the difference. He starts many statements with “and”. For example; “and good morning”. It began to annoy me. Everyday since the first meet, he would just complain about work. I get it, sales are bad during this time but I… don’t care? He’d work 10 hours days, 6 days a week. He would suggest to meet at odd times. It was never disrespectful because I was also understanding of his work schedule but it would be inconvenient for me. He began to grow upset. I was saying no to a second meet every time. 3 times to be exact.
I made an effort Friday night to actually meet. Let me tell you, that’s me putting in real effort. It rained all day. It was miserable weather. I had to rush home and get ready. I arrived to his place late and he wasn’t too upset but gave me a little bit of shit for it. Playful shit. We hang out and I was turned off by his shirt. It had a distinct mildew smell. I let it go but it was like another person in the room, that smell. I didn’t judge extra hard because I can imagine him throwing in a load in the washer and not remembering or not having the time to throw it in dryer in time. Even now, I keep thinking, why couldn’t he put on a different shirt? Surely he had another shirt. He had to have acknowledged that smell. We didn’t have any conversation that night. Just watching Netflix. It was terrible but do I look forward seeing him again? Not so much. While I was in his house, I observed everything and he had such a bland life. He would spend so much of his time at work, he barely had a life outside work. It was hard to figure out who I was hanging out with. He isn’t boyfriend material. He never asked me anything about myself. He wasn’t interested but he also wasn’t interesting.
I appreciated the kisses and fondling but I think it was confusing for me because I miss intimacy with someone. Not so much that I actually like or want him. We ended the night and he suggested I stay. I insisted on leaving. I’m still doing the no sex thing. I just can’t imagine, besides sex, how he would be useful to me or to any woman. He shows no emotion, passion, or interests. He has nothing to contribute. He is always focused on money and work. When does he get to enjoy life? I can’t and not willing to change up my schedule for him. It’s not worth it.
I want a good reason to feel bad for him, but if you met him, his personality makes it hard to even like him. He has a jerk quality. Part of me understands it was his childhood experiences that molded him this way. He was still holding onto that resentment – blaming his parents. Connection not strong enough for me to want to help or peel back those layers. I’m sure he has decent 20-something yr old prospects to recycle the “I make a lot of money” stuff on. We know it’s a front for something totally unremarkable underneath. I wish some men could just be genuine. Let some walls down and be more likable. Especially if they’re in the car dealership industry. You’re already starting off negative? Can’t you be a better person outside work?!