I can’t find the time or energy to finish that last post and Met Gala is so old news now.

The guy I’ve been seeing for a month gives me nausea.  I make decent effort to respond to his texts but whenever he asks to see me, I LITERALLY FEEL SO SICK.  I want to upchuck about it.  I give clear signs I’m not really interested anymore but its that point where I might actually have to say the words.  It kills me because I know he genuinely likes me, wants to do couple-y things, and he’s so kind.  Omg, I feel light-headed and my chest feels heavy.  Am I too dramatic?  Why does he even like me?  I’m trying to pretend if he were interested in someone else, would I be jealous?  The answer is no.  I’m confident about that.  I wish he could find another prospect – that would make me feel a lot better.  He wants to see me this weekend and I told him maybe.  It makes me wanna hide from everyone.  I am so immature.  All I have to do is say no.  If he asks why then I should be mature enough to tell him I’m… not interested?  I hate how superficial I am.  It truly is a height issue.  He’s attractive, we have a lot of the same thoughts/opinions, we get along.  We’re practically the same height and that means I can’t wear heels lol.  I see couples where the female is taller and they make it work but I simply can’t.  I don’t wanna feel like the man in the relationship.  I don’t want to waste his time.

I’ve decided to tell him today.  Maybe after work.  I feel like I adopted a puppy and I just decided to put it outside.  Lol.

I’ve calmed down and I drafted a text.  Will actually send when I have my peers finish reviewing.  I believe in the past, when I would kibosh someone, it was easy when I didn’t respect them or really disliked them.  I would be more straightforward.  This is hard.

OKAY.  I sent about 30m ago and he finally responded.  He’s confused but respecting my decision.  Awfully mature and I’m so thankful he isn’t asking why.  Lol, should I be offended?  Ok, I’ll stop.